HOW YOU AND YOUR WEBSITE.CAN
CHANNEL THE MYSTERIOUS AND MAGICAL POWERS OF THIS ASTOUNDING GOOD LUCK
by Vanessa Cortez, staff writer.
[March 15, 2002]
[WeeklyUniverse.com] The most astonishing
good luck talisman in the universe is now being made available to websites
throughout the universe -- and the price is FREE! [Applicable
terms and conditions apply, see below for full details.]
Those are the startling facts,
to Preston Presscott, spokesman for American Bald Eagle Publications, LLC,
publisher of the Hollywood Investigator and Weekly Universe family of family
publications, with editorial and business headquarters in Hollywood, Florida.
Universe Mystic Gray Buddha[tm] culminates decades of rigorous para-science research and quantum psychic
beta-testing," said Weekly Universe holding company spokesman Prescott,
in an exclusive interview with the Weekly
design this talisman, the Weekly Universe spared no costs in assembling
the universe's top psychics, seers, soothsayers, channelers, Bible and
Koranic scholars, spiritualists, Egyptologists, priests, ministers, rabbis,
mullahs, witches, gurus, shamans, astrologers, numerologists, gypsy fortune
tellers, and NASA scientists.
end, everyone agreed: their collective wisdom had birthed the most potent
good luck talisman ever invented in the entire universe: the Weekly Universe
Mystic Gray Buddha[tm]!"
READING TO LEARN HOW YOUR WEBSITE CAN OBTAIN AND BENEFIT FROM THE WEEKLY UNIVERSE MYSTIC GRAY BUDDHA[tm]!]
mesmerizing Mystic Gray Buddha[tm] combines the Ancient Wisdom of the Past -- with the Scientific Miracles
of the Future! Its wise all-seeing eyes reflect the Spiritual Understanding
of the East -- while its brainy egghead contains the Rational Intellect
of the West!
is simply the most powerful and scientifically
proven good luck charm available
anywhere in the universe -- bar none!
what one satisfied user is already saying:
"Being long down and out,
I tried rubbing the National Enquirer Lucky Blue Dot. So I won 83
cents at video poker. Wow. Then I rubbed the Weekly World News
Magic Fish. I found $1 stuck to my boot. Great.
But then I rubbed the Weekly
Universe Mystic Gray Buddha[tm]! Within hours, I'd won $100
at lotto, learned I'd inherited a castle in England and was now an Earl,
and got a call from a major Hollywood movie star saying she'd
seen me downing
a Big Gulp at the Mobile 7-11 years back -- and had been trying to find
me ever since, as she loves me madly!
Thanks heaps, Mystic Gray
testimonial is no accident, for the symbol of the Mystic Gray Buddha[tm] is chock full of transcendent esoterica!
constellations are an exact replica of the twilight sky as seen from from
Cydonia, during the Face on Mars ground-breaking ceremony! PLUS they
recreate the celestial patterns as reflected in the positioning of the
pyramids at Giza, Maya and Atlantis during the critical year of 10,813
B.C.! PLUS they replicate another 127,873 other scientifically potent
and spiritually historic skies as seen at key locations throughout the
Only the Weekly Universe has been able to access the startling astronomical
secrets hidden at Area 51 -- obtained by CETI using Roswell crash site technology
-- so the artists we commissioned at Graviton Creations were able to recreate
the amazing and unique starry constellations used in the Mystic Gray Buddha[tm].
No other tabloid can make that claim!
depths of deep spiritual insight can by had by meditating upon this Mystic
Gray Buddha[tm]. Or just rub its belly! Either way, you will be astonished by the
"As a professional telephone
psychic, I rely on my tarot cards to give accurate readings to my clientele
of international world leaders and jet-setting film stars.
But over time, my cards
gets clogged with dirty auras. So I'd used bell, book and candle
to spiritually unclog them -- until one morning when I ran out of candles
just before my shift! And just then remembered that someone (probably
the cheapskate Wiccan who does the phone beside me) had stolen my bell
I was frantically searching
another co-worker's desk for incense, hoping to find some before she got
filling her face in the donut room, when I saw the Weekly Universe
on yet another co-worker's desk.
For some mysterious reason,
I felt compelled to rub the Mystic Gray Buddha[tm]'s
belly ... and from then on, the cards practically danced through my fingers
-- and the answers just floooooowed!
Honey, you keep my bell,
book and candles! Just don't touch my Weekly Universe -- and my Mystic
about the Weekly Universe Mystic Gray Buddha[tm],
from its subtly nuanced hues, to its Swiss precision geometric patterns,
to its wordings' numerological portent -- everything! -- has been scientifically
researched and beta-tested!
another unsolicited testimonial:
"I've always relied on
angels for my good luck. My home is blanketed with angel images --
on my personalized checks, wallpaper, calendars, ashtrays, kitchen magnets,
pens, bumperstickers, clocks, bath towels, toilet seat covers. You
name it -- if it's got an angel on it -- I've got it!
Unfortunately, as I've
been in three uninsured car accidents, busted for drug possession, twice
busted for DUI, been evicted seven times, had a trailer re-possessed, another
burned down, another trailer lost, abandoned by four husbands (technically
not married to two of them), and had some of my kids (forget how many)
removed by social workers, my real-life Guardian Angel has proven to be
one sorry sack of sh*t.
Fortunately, as a loyal
longtime reader of the Weekly Universe -- my favorite source for quantum
news and analysis -- I rubbed the Mystic Gray Buddha[tm] the
instant I saw it in your fine publication.
Instantly, I could feel
my sh*tty Guardian Angel getting s*cked up to Heaven in one of those blue
light tunnels -- the ones I read about in your paper -- and being replaced
by a primo Guardian Archangel (not many of those, huh?)!
Next day, the mail guy
delivered seven bags of checks, cash and money orders -- totaling $150
million! -- from a chain letter I'd sent to Borneo several years back. Even better, I lost 230 pounds!
Thank you, my high-performing
Guardian Archangel -- and thank YOU Mystic Gray Buddha[tm]!
Convinced? In that case ...
Weekly Universe Mystic Gray Buddha[tm].for YOUR website? To apply, please email us at -- editor at WeeklyUniverse dot com -- so we can review your site. If chosen, you must display the Mystic
Gray Buddha unaltered (actual size at right) hotlinked to www.WeeklyUniverse.com.
the property of WeeklyUniverse.com and MAY BE WITHDRAWN should a website
fall short of quality standards, either in content or design, as is determined
at the sole discretion of WeeklyUniverse.com.
cosmic protection? The Weekly Universe Mystic Gray Buddha[tm] is
now available on some astounding licensed
Universe Mystic Gray Buddha[tm] image is copyright 2002 and tradmarked
by WeeklyUniverse.com. Artwork by Stuart Smith of Graviton
|Vanessa Cortez is a phone psychic and reporter for the Weekly Universe. Read about her supernatural battles against Satantic New Age forces in Hollywood Witches!
Copyright 2002 by WeeklyUniverse.com